Usually, love comes to us when we are young. But that doesn’t mean it cannot come to us when we are in our thirties and forties. Love is that type of comfort that is propriety. It could not be replaced by any other form of comfort.
In this blog post, we are specifically talking about single moms. Moms who, though happy with their children, still hope of finding that comfort. To them even when that comfort comes, they are in dilemma whether to pursue it or not.
This dilemma arises for several reasons. It could be from society, from their own family members, or the other family members of their ex-partner. These factors affect a lot. And even if they fight through all these reasons, it all narrows down to whether their children and the new partner could adjust to each other or not. If that doesn’t happen single moms are left bereft of the love they so much wanted.
We will talk about single dad and moms, how to communicate with them, what to keep in mind when dating them, what to expect and what to not, how to build a strong and lasting relationship with them, relationships and finally some of your questions would be answered.
So, relax and read on!
Understanding the Single Mom
There are different aspects to single moms and kids. Singe’s mom is where in a family the child only has her mom to himself. The father figure is either not present or was never there. This is honestly something that was never thought of a few decades ago. There was a time of high levels of poverty and war when single moms and kids were a thing restricted to the poor and minorities. But, today in America when one looks the whole world at the demographics of single moms and kids, only one conclusion could be drawn; it is worse.
Today, around 80 percent of single-parent families are run by mothers. This might sound like women’s empowerment but no, it is not. Because one-third of them live in destitution. And the conditions for the rest of them are not so good. About 30% of parents among them were jobless the entire year and another one-third faced food insecurity.
Conditions look worse when one gets to know about half of them were never married. And most people here now are single moms. Divorce rates are escalating, amounting to 30% of them. In employment levels, income, poverty, divorce, food insecurity or hardship, health care, child care, or child education statistics conclude the poor conditions they are living in.
With all of this one cannot calculate the mental stress single moms go through. More working hours and less time for themselves keep on deteriorating the conditions for them. Not every single mom is my age, in her thirties some are even in their twenties. So no matter what, the priorities and responsibilities a single mom lives with have to tire her so much that she doesn’t have time for herself at all.
Not having any other figure or especially a male to help them makes things a bit harder.
So, if you come across a little girl with a single mom and you are wanting to date her then you will need to understand their role and whole world. Understanding their role is important because that will provide you with what they have to go through every single day with three kids. This will increase your respect for them, which in a relationship like this is very crucial.
No doubt that they might need you. But, of course if you won’t show them respect and understand their lives and problems then it will make the conditions a bit more bad for them.
Tips for Dating a Single Mom
For any form of dating the first and best thing here is communication. How well you communicate matters the most here. If you are unable to communicate with them then you might portray yourself wrong. Which will ultimately lead to rejection. So, it is important to develop good communication skills to convey your thoughts.
In communication there are two major skills; speaking and listening. You may speak well but if you are not a good listener then you hold less chance that you would be accepted by a single mom. You will have to hear her completely. She may have a lot to express about her feelings, insecurities, and her children. The last one is the most important subject to hear about. To a single mom, nothing is more important than her child\children.
Below are the few important and key aspects of communication which you need to practice:
Patience
You will require it to become a good listener. This skill would not only help you in the present but also if you are wanting a future with her kids. If she is letting you walk back in her life then she would need time to adjust, to forget and let go of the past. Also, her child\children will need time to accept you. The moment you hurry is the moment you lose her. So, patience is the key to her heart. Listen to her, she needs someone willing to listen to her for hours!
Flexibility
You will need to be flexible with her. That means that the conventional things a man does to impress her date might not work here. So, you will need to try new things. Especially that would suit her and make her happy. Think of what she needs and what is missing in her life and you will get your answer. Also, you will have to be flexible with her ways of doing things. As she might have different responsibilities and priorities you will need to be flexible with that.
Involvement
As her child\children are closest to her. Get involved with her children. This will lift the huge burden of feeling your not being able to adjust and accept her children. and love kids. Because if you do not love kids, then nothing would make her happier. So, try to spend time with her and her children together. Understand that it is not only she who needs you but also her children who need you. Even they need a father figure to look and admire at.
Respect her past
If she has an ex-partner then you will have to remind her to respect him as well. Because he is still biologically the father of two kids her step children and he might come to see them. And in those times, she would want you to stand beside herself. As a support to her. This will help her fight and walk away from the past from her heart and mind.
All the above-mentioned things would only come to you when you understand your daughter and her role as a parent and a single mom. The more you understand her and sympathize with her the better listener you will become and your daughter and son will be able to communicate better.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
When dating a single dad or mom don’t ever do any of the things mentioned below:
Rushing things
Don’t be crazy and in a hurry to take things forward with her walk away. That might make new relationship with her uncomfortable and the point she would not let you near her. This can also portray you as someone crazy who is just wanting a new relationship just for personal benefit. As said above be as patient as you can.
Overstepping boundaries
She would have set certain boundaries and wouldn’t let you come closer or talked to you very soon. So, do not try to enter any such place where you are not invited or are not allowed to enter. This will portray you as someone who knows how to maintain boundaries in relationships and show your girlfriend that you respect her.
Don’t be judgmental
She might have different ways of feeling and doing things because of certain reasons and you should not be afraid of calling her out for that. As a woman and a single mom, she needs someone who accepts her as she is and not someone who tries to change her. Understand that her age, she might have had a difficult past so she might still be have trouble adjusting to it. Don’t judge but help her
Child comes FIRST
To a mom, the child is her ultimate priority. You will need to accept that. If you don’t and do things wrong that might harm her child in some way then she would not continue dealing with you. So, you will have to be accepting of the fact that in no way you the woman will be getting all her attention and time.
Benefits of Dating a Single Mom
Now, from the above-mentioned things, you might think dating a single mom is tough. Yes, it is but there are certain benefits as well which compensate for the struggle. Becoming a mom would have made any little girl, into a woman.
A woman who is confident about herself and is mentally strong. As she might have been a single mom for years, she would have developed fatherly skills as well. Living as a single mom would have made her mature. Someone who understands the struggle and respects pain and suffering.
Being a single mom, she would have learned the most valuable life lessons. She would respect time. Her past would have taught her to respect the time one has. She knows what is important and how to prioritize it. As time went never returns, she knows how to utilize it the best way.
The emotional maturity and intellect you will find in a single mom are not something that you will find in a girlfriend or any other girl. These things take time and experience. With her, you get a good relationship, that won’t be toxic. She would know how to respect boundaries, she will be patient and flexible with you as well.
Online Dating for Single Moms
Joining an online dating site has several advantages for single mothers. The accessibility of Internet dating is one of its biggest advantages. It is simpler for single parents to integrate dating into their hectic schedules since they may access possible matches from their home computers or mobile devices whenever and wherever they are.
Additionally, there is no need to stress about scheduling time off of work or making childcare arrangements three kids to go on dates because everything can be done with a few clicks or taps. Online dating also gives single mothers the chance to interact with people from all backgrounds.
Single mothers can select from a variety of possible suitors from other ethnicities and origins or friends who might not be available offline by joining an online group. Instead of just settling with someone close by, this gives you more of a chance to discover someone with whom you have genuine similar beliefs and interests.
Single mothers-focused safety features like blocking unwanted users and identity verification through social media accounts are available on dating websites. This makes it simpler for single mothers to safeguard themselves by steering clear of risky scenarios like meeting up with strangers without first getting to know them in the virtual world.
It is crucial to follow basic safety procedures when it comes to online dating as a single mum to keep yourself protected. When it comes to dating, single moms have certain demands and worries, so it’s important to take the time to comprehend the dangers. The following advice can help single mothers navigate the world of Internet dating:
Check if they are genuine
It’s crucial to take the time to thoroughly investigate any possible dates you discover online. Verify that they are genuine, and if you can, do some research on them or look them up on social media. This will enable you to learn more about them and their potential traits about who they are as a person.
Set limits
For single mothers who date online, boundaries need to be set straight away. This entails defining expectations about how much contact will be permitted (for instance, how frequently you chat or text) and having an open discussion about what each side wants from the other point of view relationship. By doing this, such misunderstandings can be avoided.
Meet in Public spaces
When you decide to meet someone in person after building some initial rapport with them online, make sure that all initial meetings take place only in public areas. To keep yourself safe while getting to know one another before pushing things further emotionally or romantically, wait until after many successful dates out in public before inviting them into your home or going back to theirs.
Handling Difficult Situations
Dating a single mother may be challenging and daunting, particularly if the former spouse disapproves of the union. When a single mom’s ex-partner doesn’t agree with her dating a new person, it can strain and complicate the new relationship further. It’s crucial to respect the fiancée-partner’s sentiments above everything else.
They have a right to voice their opinions, even if you disagree with them or don’t comprehend why they feel threatened. It is crucial to keep this in mind throughout the connection and to take action to make sure that everyone is at ease with the circumstances.
If the kid of your girlfriend doesn’t like you, don’t take it personally. Children frequently experience things that are out of their control when it comes to how they feel about other people. The greatest thing you can do is accept the child’s right to their own opinions and sentiments regarding their parent’s new partner.
Communication is one method to tell whether your partner is stressed out. By asking her about her day, you might get a sense of how much she has going on and where she might need help. If she finds it to be too much to bear, it may be a sign that something has to change for her stress levels to go down.
Building a strong and lasting relationship
By taking baby steps and acting consistently, a trust may be progressively and over time gained. Building trust with a single mother may be started by being dependable, respecting her time and responsibilities, paying attention to her worries, and making an honest attempt to get to know her kid.
It’s critical to surround your kids and yourself with individuals who can offer you the emotional support you want and who comprehend the particular difficulties of being a single parent. Find people who share your kids’ own family values and who have the time to commit to being a part of your family and life. Having someone who can assist with childcare, if required, as well as someone who can listen when you just need someone to talk to, is also beneficial.
It is possible to maintain a relationship with a single mom, but it takes work and patience from both parties. The following advice will help you ensure that your relationship endures the test of time:
Observe her parenting choices. Even if you don’t always agree with these choices, respect them. This will demonstrate to her that you respect her as a person and recognize that she is doing her best for her child.
Show a sincere desire to get to know her kid. Don’t only play the position of an observer; instead, develop a positive relationship with her child over time by demonstrating your concern for their needs and interests as well.
Find methods to spend as much “adult time” without the kids as you can; maintaining an emotional connection with your partner even when life is hectic with parenting responsibilities will help keep things fresh in your relationship. Regular time away from children allows parents to unwind, revitalize, reconnect, and enjoy their own company once again.
Conclusion
After reading this blog post you are all set to date your first girlfriend the daughter of a single mom. Focus your effort on understanding her and become a good listener Don’t think that you will need your girlfriend to do all the effort, she will help you in the process.
FAQs
What should I know before dating a single mom?
You should know the priorities and responsibilities of a single mom. That will enable you to understand her better which will eventually ease the process of dating her.
How do I deal with a difficult ex-partner when dating a single mom?
Be patient. If he does something illegal then you can always take the help of law. More importantly, at that time be with your partner and ensure her security.
How do I build a relationship with a mother and her child/children?
For building a relationship you can spend time with them. Play with them, and talk to them how about they feel this will make them comfortable with you and they will gradually accept you. So then there wont be a situation where you can will say that I love my girlfriend but i don’t like her kid.
How do I know if I am ready to date a single mom?
Dating a single mom requires patience and flexibility. So, when you find yourself mature enough to acquire these two skills then you can think of dating a single mom.
